DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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