i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
