How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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