I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
