Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
