U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
