oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
