i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
