come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
