My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
