I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
