Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
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