tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
