Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
