Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
