I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
