Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I use my feet as sexual weapons
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
