you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
