his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
