She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
