I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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