you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
