for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
