I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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