Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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