haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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