I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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