If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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