dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
