Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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