please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
