your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
