she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
