yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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