My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
only you would photoshop your dick
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I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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