What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
