I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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