I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just invented taco cereal.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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