God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
