I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
