you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
