i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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