I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
