First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
