Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
