why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
