I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
