How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Vodka?
Forever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
