I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
