you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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