We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
