I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
