Walk of Shame. In a state park.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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