do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
