well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't deserve a penis
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
