I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
