It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
