yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
