I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
