My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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