I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
