I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
