You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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