That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
