oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize