I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
