I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
