I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
