I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
