I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
